


The right direction

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Caring John, F/F, Femlock, First Kiss, Happy Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Sherlock, John cries for the first time ever, sherlocks scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-06-25
Packaged: 2018-07-18 04:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7298770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John discovers Sherlock's scars after she moves back in and they finally talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The right direction

**Author's Note:**

> Hi it's me again. Sorry for not posting for a while but I had to first figure out something with my account and well yeah apologies for that. 
> 
> I'm also really salty about current politics (brexit) and so I am a bit down right now and I will probably write some more angst which is a bit different then what I ususally do. I hope you understand. As a EU citizen this is a real blow and I feel like I was swept from my feet and it's all a mess.
> 
> Also my kinda Beta is away for the weekend and I didn't want to wait so this isn't checked by a second person so apologies for any mistakes they will be corrected in a couple of days.

It had been an accident really. And to that a really, really stupid one and Sherlock was furious with herself. How had she been so stupid? 

'John?' she whispered quietly into the gloomy room. She knew that John was somewhere behind her and she knew that she should probably turn around but she couldn’t. She was paralyzed and didn’t know what to do. She didn't know what Johns reaction might be, really she didn’t and so she wanted to stay oblivious for another couple of seconds before she had to face reality.

Only a couple of weeks ago John had moved back in again. It had been Sherlocks happiest day. And she had felt horrible about it. John had lost her husband (who hadn’t been a very nice person but still) and here she was being happy for having John for herself again. She was selfish.

John had come in the evening with a bag and a shy smile and asked if she could move in again. It wasn’t up to debate in any way, of course John could come back. Sherlock wanted John to come back and she felt horrible.

Was she a bad friend because she was happy that John's marriage got destroyed? Was she a bad friend because she liked John more than just like a friend should? She didn’t know and she also couldn’t ask anyone. 

Only a couple of days later they settled into a comfortable routine. Thy quickly went back like they were before the Fall, four years ago; they sat in comfortable silence and had pleasant conversations. It was absolutely perfect. The only problem was that Sherlock wanted more. She always wants more, it’s nothing new. She would watch John from the corner of her eye. She would look at her beautiful face and then stop to look at her lips. They were small and just looked so kissable. It was so, so hard to not just kiss her right there. She wanted to really, she wanted to lean forward and just really lightly kiss those lips. She wanted to hold John and never let her go again. She wanted more. She wanted to hug her and tell her that she loved her, she wanted that John said that to her! But she knew that if she ever acted on her feelings she would loose the best friendship she had. And probably the most depressing and hurtful thought was that she knew that John didn’t love her back. It feels horrible, unrequited love that is. It’s a horrible feeling to be so close to the person you love but at the same time you can’t be closer. You know everything about them and you know that you love them with everything you have but they don’t love you. It’s a situation Sherlock didn’t wish anyone because it was frankly horrible.

So that was her current life. Spending time with John, making sure that John was fine and not feeling sad because of Mark (Because Sherlock never ever wanted to see John sad especially not because of that asshole) and doing experiments. Occasionally there was a case but so far nothing major

And everything was fine.

And then she screwed it up.

Because she forgot. Forgot that John was here and wasn’t suppose to see this. 

John wasn’t suppose to see her back.

It had been a mistake. She wanted to turn everything of and just start again. Why couldn’t that happen? Why couldn’t she just delete the last ten minutes and maybe not talk to John while changing? How stupid could she be? And now John knows. And John doesn’t have time for this. She has her own problems and her own feelings and now here is Sherlock making another problem. And John being John will want to know what happened and she wants to help.

A hand on her back. Just lightly, not pressing. The hand was shaking and warm and Sherlock breathed in and then out again.

‘It’s fine.’ Sherlock whispered.

The hand was still there ghosting over her skin. Sherlock shivered and looked down.

‘Sher-’ John’s voice broke in the middle of her name and she sounded so broken. Sherlock didn’t like this at all. Why did John sound this affected? This upset?

And then suddenly there were two arms around her waist, holding her tight. John was hugging her from behind and laid her head into Sherlock neck. Sherlock tensed up because she didn’t know what to do. Should she tell John everything or should she comfort her? Why were social interactions so hard?

‘John?’ Sherlock asked again and decided to relax into John’s hug. John’s response was a headshake and her tugging Sherlock even tighter. They stood like that for a couple of seconds and Sherlock still didn’t know what to do. 

And then she felt hot tears on her neck and quiet sobs from John. She had never ever see or heard John cry (except at the Grave but that was a different topic) and it felt absolutely horrible. John wasn’t the type that cried. She always had her emotions under control and now she was crying because of Sherlock.

‘John? Please, please don’t cry. There is no need to cry.’ Sherlock whispered and entangled herself from Johns hug and turned around to look at John who had puffy red eyes. And then Sherlock just acted on instinct. She took John, precious John, and hugged her close. And it wasn’t like Sherlock thought. She didn’t have to comfort John she just had to be there for her and John just had to be there for her.

Sherlock hugged John closely towards her and tried to tell her that way that everything was fine. That they were fine. Or at least that they will be.

And John made the same promise with just being there. She stood there and hugged Sherlock tightly and gave over the message of being there for Sherlock. After everything that happened she would be there and help Sherlock and Sherlock for the first time in years felt settled and secure. 

They stood there for a while just hugging each other closely, breathing each other in and feeling the other person's presence. 

‘Sherlock?’ John’s voice broke the quiet. She had stopped crying and sniffing and the only evidence of her crying where the dried tears.

‘Hm?’ Sherlock breathed in one more time and tried to prepare herself for this conversation that would happen. She didn’t want to though. She just wanted to stay like this forever. In the quiet and safety of John's arms where the outside world didn't exist. But like always she had to face reality.

‘We need to talk about this.’

Sherlock loosened her grip on John and took a small step back, ‘I know.’ Sherlock hated this feeling that spread through her whole body. It was dread, anticipation and adrenalin. She knew that this next conversation would change her world. She couldn’t say anything that might make it turn into the wrong direction but the problem was she didn’t know what the wrong or right direction was. She wished she could go into the future for just a second see how it looked there and then decide which way to take.

John took Sherlock's hand in hers, ‘It’s okay.’ 

‘No it’s not! I don’t- I don’t know what to do!’ She wanted to cry and shout. This was to much, too much pressure, to much unknown territory. 

‘Sherlock, hey, we will do this together. There is nothing to be afraid of.’ Why didn’t John understand that Sherlock might tell John her biggest secret? The thing that was most important to her? Of course she was afraid! But she also believed John when she said that she didn’t have to be afraid. So she relaxed and tried to stop those horrible thoughts in her head and concentrate on the here and now because this was important.

‘Okay.’ She finally said and gave the green light to speak about her scars and everything that might come after that.

John smiled up to her but it wasn’t a smile full of happiness but a sad smile, ‘Good that's good. Sherlock I’m also bad at this, okay? Feelings and emotions aren’t my area either.’ There was an awkward pause where John seemed to think about something. Her left hand, that didn’t hold Sherlock's hand, clenched.

‘Can you… do you want to tell me what happened and where these come from?’

‘Serbia. While I was away.’

‘Okay,’ this conversation probably was the most uncomfortable thing ever. It probably even beat the conversation she had with her mother about sex. Especially because she had been talking about sex with men even though Sherlock identified as a lesbian but to that time still hadn’t told her mother. ‘What did they do to you?’ 

‘They beat me and sleep deprived me but that was all,’ 

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’ John looked up to her with sadness, anger, guilt and compassion and Sherlock wanted to kiss all her pain away even though it was her who had experienced the pain, ‘What happened to them?’

‘Mycroft caught them and they were sent to court for various crimes. They will never see the light of the day again I promise.’

‘Good.’ Another pause and Sherlock could see John thinking, ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Because it didn’t matter’ Sherlock whispered. At those words John took a step back and looked at Sherlock with shock and then with anger but the anger wasn’t directed to her but towards John herself. 

‘Don’t. Don’t say that.’ 

‘Why not?’ It was the truth. It hadn’t mattered to that time they had been other problems, like saving British Parliament and trying to be John's friend again. And then there had been no time between the wedding and cases and rebuilding a strained friendship and also who even cared? It was done and over and didn’t have to be brought up.

‘Because you matter!’ John spit out, ‘Because I care about you, Sherlock! And I can’t believe that-,’ Her voice broke again and John's eyes had become teary again, ‘Because if I had known that, that,’ John made some weird hand gesture that made no sense to Sherlock, ‘I wouldn’t have married him!’

And now that caught her off guard.

‘What? Why? Why wouldn’t you have married him John? You loved Mark!’

John let out a humorless laugh, ‘Yes maybe I did but not as much as I love-,’ John stopped talking and steadied herself on the nearby shelf, ‘- not as much as I love… you.’

John didn’t dare meet Sherlock’s eyes. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘Sherlock, I-’ a deep breath, ‘I have been in love with you for a while now and I know that you don’t feel the same for me and that's fine. I loved you and when you fell and left me my whole world stopped. I died when you died. The pain not having you was unbearable and the only reason why I even went out with Mark was because I couldn’t let that pain destroy me. And then you came back and Mark just felt safer. I couldn’t let my heart get broken like that again. I was afraid and so I left but never stopped loving you. If I had know what you went through those two years and that it wasn’t just case solving and having fun on your own I wouldn’t have married him. I’m sorry.’

Sherlock couldn't believe what she was hearing. It all felt so surreal and distant. First she still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that John apparently loved her and then on the fact that John thought Sherlock didn’t love her? 

‘I love you too!’ Sherlock whispered out quickly. She hadn’t meant to say that but it had just come out without a second thought. She didn’t know if this had been a good decision or not.

‘How can you say that after everything I did to you?’ John asked quietly

Sherlock took all her courage she had and took a step towards John, ‘How can you think I can’t love you? After everything I’ve done to make you happy how can you possibly believe I don’t love you John? I love you for your courage and your intellect. You make me a better person John and I owe you everything, so of course I love you.’ They were so close now that they could feel each other's breath on their skin but still they didn’t touch. John looked about ready to cry again and Sherlock suspected she looked exactly the same. Slowly then John moved her hands higher and cupped Sherlocks face into her hands. It was the softest and gentlest touch Sherlock had ever felt and her heart swelled. John smiled at her, ‘Sherlock Holmes you are a miracle and we both are incredible stupid.’

Sherlock had to agree and wanted to stop right this second being stupid so she bent down and kissed John. It was so much better than she had ever dreamt of. Those soft lips on hers were like heaven and she never ever wanted them to leave hers. She slowly put her arm around John's waist and the solid,warm and strong body of John made this whole experience even better. 

After years of pining and miscommunication, of hurt and no comfort they finally, finally kissed and Sherlock knew that whatever happens in the world she would be fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading
> 
> My Tumblr: [johnlockandstars](http://johnlockandstars.tumblr.com)
> 
> One more thing: Please Vote and inform yourself


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